42 posts from January 2008 (page 2)

Mike and I have a serious problem keeping anything from each other. This is the reason we normally do shopping for holidays the day of or the day before. Otherwise, we’ll give the gift way before we should.

At our last Christmas party Mike surprised me with a new-to-me Kayak. I was thrilled. It was the first time he’d EVER really surprised me and not spilled the beans before hand. It was really cool.

I was determined to do the same for him this Valentine’s Day.

I went on Ebay and found a great deal on a package of things for his new MP3 player: FM Transmitter, car charger, home charger, 2 skins, 2 arm bands and some other stuff all for $19 dollars! It was a steal. That and I knew he wanted to be able to charge it without a computer. So, I ordered it and yesterday it came.

When I got the mail I told Nathan that Daddy’s present came. I knew he would tell Mike that it came and then I’d get to tell him “nanna nanna nanna you can’t have it!” Just like he did with me before the Christmas party.

Nathan did as expected and Mike looks at me and says “Please can I have it? I really need something to charge my MP3 Player.”

Furious, I get the package and say “since you already know what it is…just take it!”

Well, he did know what it was but didn’t know all the other cool things I had gotten too. He felt pretty rotten about the whole thing. I would have too if I were in his shoes and I didn’t mean to make him feel that way but I was pretty ticked. Now, I’d have to go out and get something else for him.

Mike made me promise I wouldn’t get anything else saying all he really wanted was some much needed “us” time alone. That only made me cry more. By the time we get Nathan to bed and the household stuff livable…we go to sleep too. Not much us time happening. I guess we’ve both just been feeling that way, not just me. It’s nice to know that.

If you could ask any question in the world and get a true answer, who and what would you ask? 
Submitted by jaypo.

This actually brings a really fond memory of mine to mind.

I was sitting with a bunch of close girlfriends at a fast food restaurant one time when I asked the question: "Have you ever wondered if you're really mentally retarded and the people around you are just being nice to you because of your afflictions?"

I was completely serious. I do have family who are down syndrome that I love dearly. I would hope that never would anyone just "be nice" but would always truly be respectful. At the time I was also unaware or just not thinking that people who do have such disorders are fully aware they have them. Yes, please excuse my ignorance at the time.

My friends just busted up laughing. However, after the initial reaction they decided it wasn't a bad thought. They assured me that I was not and that they were not just "being nice".

We still talk about that moment from time to time and yes, we all do enjoy a little non-politically correct laughing, mostly at my expense.

If I was going to ask another "burning question" I'd ask my husband if he really means it that he doesn't want another child. This way I could get the dissapointment out of the way and move on.

Is there anyone else out there that is in a wonderfully happy relationship but still thinks about how someone in their past is doing from time to time? I find myself thinking about someone every so often. Sometimes the thoughts are pleasant and sometimes, not so pleasant but they also very in strength. Sometimes it’s just a passing thought and sometimes the feeling is so strong that I feel like I need to just reach for the phone and call them immediately. That’s how our relationship was though. We always knew when the other needed to talk. We may not have been on the same wavelength with anything else but we were usually there to listen to each other. It’s really hard to ignore these feelings but I’ve been doing it for so long now, I know they go away.

He and I started dating in high school my sophomore year. He had found out early that there was a plethora of girls with low self esteem out there who would love to just hear someone thought they were pretty, special, and a good catch. That’s what he did for them, and for me. I went from being “one of the guys” to being a special girl. Joke was on me though. Not even being “special” to him could stop him from cheating on me with another low self esteemed chubby girl, a friend of mine even.

I immediately vowed to never talk to either of them again.

I immediately broke the vow when he called me to apologize that night. I denied him forgiveness and told him I wasn’t a girl who sat back and got cheated on. I would not put myself in that position again. Nope, I’d find much worse positions throughout the years but that’s later in the story and even parts of others.

We remained friends. It was high school. He moved away but we kept in touch. He had a bad home life and I was there to listen. I had an alcoholic father and he understood because his parents were both drug addicts. It was like finding someone outside my social bubble to talk to about things I wasn’t ready to let my other friends know about. Somewhere in that midst of late night chatting we fell in love. Young puppy love. My first real love.

He moved back briefly and we decided to give it another chance. I immediately got the chance to date someone else who I’d had my eye on for a few years. I took the chance knowing it would never happen again. I broke his heart this time but we remained friends.

Of course, it was all high school drama. I did not remain with the other boyfriend for long (another long and involved story if I ever get the chance). I never really forgave myself for letting him go that time but we all make silly choices when we think we’re missing something on the other side. Good ol’ green grass theory. He came to see me a few times here and there. We talked for hours about what we wanted to do after high school which would be ending soon. I was always interested in what he wanted to do to better himself. Like I said, his family life was really crappy. By this time his mother was in jail, he was living with grandparents, and he was determined to make something better of himself.

Once I was out of high school I moved to a bigger city and had an apartment to myself. He would visit me there and we’d just spend the whole night talking, playing games, doing other things ;). We never made it official. We were just what we were with the assumption that once we were ready to settle down we’d do that with each other. That’s just not a good idea. I pretended not to be jealous when I knew he was seeing other people. He’d be angry at me when I’d make a stupid move and date someone he knew was bad for me. It got to the point where it tore us apart more than make us stronger. If you love someone, you just can’t see them with someone else unless you’ve given them up for good. We hadn’t done that so it destroyed us.

We still kept in touch. It got harder to listen to him talk about his life when I was so unhappy with mine. He stopped coming around. He stopped caring about what I was doing. He didn’t listen when I had something to say. It became one sided and very immature. Then, one night he told me he was engaged. He told me he had met the perfect girl. He was ready to marry her.

I was ready to hurl him through a window.

Instead I hung up the phone and cried. It was the best eye opening cry I had ever had. However, being so heartbroken caused me to make stupid decisions. I got involved with the wrong men. I wasn’t sure what love was anymore and realized obviously I had the wrong view of it all. I am not blaming it all on him. No. It was just something that sent me over the edge for a little while. I stopped caring about myself. That took God to bring me back to normal. (Another story, yes I have many, for another time)

Then, I met Mike. I feel in love for all the right reasons with someone who really did give a damn. Finally, I was ready to get married and move on with my life.

One night, he called. He wanted to say he had been wrong. He wanted to know if he could go back. It was too late. I explained what was going on. I was engaged. I was a month away from my wedding date. I was going to go through with it. I still cared about him, not like I used to, but I didn’t have any hard feelings. I wished him well. We met one more time before I was married to talk. He still tried to talk me out of getting married. He told me of the promises we’d made and asked me to keep them. I almost laughed. I reminded him that it was him who broke the promise in the first place. No matter what we had thought it wasn’t meant to be.

Though I felt victorious in a way, I also felt really badly. We still kept in touch. It’s not easy to just “kick” someone out of our life when they’ve been there for so long. I got married and moved away. He got married, too. He told me he was happy. However, he was still the same person he’d become after high school. He never listened and seemed to almost brag about his life to make it seem alright that we didn’t make it.

We haven’t talked in almost 3 years. My choice. I finally decided it wasn’t worth my time anymore. However, I still think about him and sometimes wish I could know what he was dong and if he was really happy. Then I take some time to think and realize that’s just not my problem anymore.

" Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend."- Martin Luther King Jr.

How do you feel about your birthday?  Do you look forward to it and remind all your friends, or do you dread it and try to keep it a secret?

Secretly, I get really excited about it because I hope that someone is taking time to make it special.

I'm usually dissapointed.

People are busy.

This year, I think I'm going to put something together myself. That way I know it's going to be good. However, it matters a lot less now that I have Nathan. I get more excited about HIS birthday than my own.

Which one of your ancestors would you most like to talk to? 
Submitted by Kathy.

I'd like to talk to my grandmother. I never met her because she died of lung cancer before I was born, about 10 years before I was born. Supposedly she was quite the bitch but I'd like to make that decision for myself and I never will be able to. She seems like she was pretty anal from what I hear. My dad was a huge momma's boy until she died. My mom said besides when I went into the hospital with seizures it was the only time she's seen him cry.

I wish I could have met her.

What do you think is your best physical attribute? 
Submitted by Nacwolin.

Time to catch up on some QotDs.

I like my eyes. I think they're my best physical attribute. Everything else seems to be expanding but luckily my eyes have stayed the same. That makes me like them even more now that I think about it.

Wow, I’m in a really bad mood and I’m not exactly sure why. Sure, I’ve had a crappy day at work and I’m sure that didn’t help but I really shouldn’t be this down about the whole situation.

Mike is going out with the boys tonight and actually getting a hotel room so there will be no DUIs. I’m happy they’re being responsible and getting the hotel room. However, I’m still worried about him. Not really him. Sometimes some of these guys don’t know when to quit and I don’t want him in that situation. He’s a big boy and can take care of himself so I’ll shut up now.

Nathan and I will be alone to play tonight. I don’t really have any plans but I’m thinking corndogs and a movie tonight. I’ll put together his train set so he can really play. That should be fun for him. I might get a dish or two washed in between too. God, I really need to clean that kitchen and I just can’t get a moment to clean it lately.

Perhaps a new craft might cheer me up? Ugh. I don’t even have the motivation to go to the store. I think it’s the lack of sunshine that’s getting to me. Seriously, it’s 10 degrees outside and that’s unless there is a windchill and then it’s -10. That’s just not shopping weather. Maybe I can find a moment to go by myself tomorrow and spend my gift card to Target. That would make me feel better; retail therapy or whatever.  

I’ll feel better once I get home. Normally blogging makes me feel better but this really has just made me more blah. How sad.

If you were suddenly granted the day off today, how would you go spend your free time?

Alone. I would spend the entire day alone. Grocery shopping, cleaning the kitchen and living room, organizing the bedroom, music on high volume, happy as a clam doing what I need to be doing ALONE.

This day dream made me happy.

Thank you, Vox.

What food item would you miss the most if it were removed from your diet and recipes? 
Submitted by scorpion1116.  

Hands down it would be bread. This is why the Atkins diet works so well for me but is my worst enemy. Without bread, I go crazy. This is why I'm no longer on the Atkins diet.